I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
