Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
