my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize