nut hugger
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
