I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
