Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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