I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
