all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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