i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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