i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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