Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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