and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
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the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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