after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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