Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
