Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize