Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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