He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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