This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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