I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
