We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
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I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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