When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
