I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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