the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
