Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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