he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
