Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
