Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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