She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
