you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
