sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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