oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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