i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
