I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
