Can Purell be used as lube?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
