Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
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he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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