So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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