My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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