Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
