So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
