beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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