seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
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