its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
