Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I wish you could order shots online.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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