Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
