This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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