i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize