So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
