if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
