I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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