my shit smells like andre
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
