He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
