Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
