I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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