I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
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You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.