You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi