I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.