omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?