thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
