You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
