Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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