Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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