So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
