Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
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