I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
