I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
