How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
