covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
