He asked to "fluff my boner.."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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