I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
