This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
