Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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